TALKING TO TEENS ABOUT “CHARACTER”: WHAT IS IT AND WHY DOES IT MATTER?

“Character matters.”  It’s a phrase I hear all the time from private school and college admissions officers, and from athletic recruiters. But what does it actually mean? And more to the point, why is it so important?

A few school administrators have said that an applicant’s character is being a good citizen in their community, while coaches have referred to a player’s character as being a good teammate.  And teens have told me, “it’s being a good friend.”  While I agree with all of these statements, I think it’s even bigger than this.

When working with teens, I talk to them a lot about their character.  I acknowledge unique qualities that I see in them - often they don’t even realize the type of person they are. Most teens tell me, “I’m nice or I’m hardworking.” Yet they are so much more than these two phrases. 

I love to hear their stories about when they did something thoughtful for a classmate or teammate, just because they wanted to - amazing.  OR when they are eager to help other kids who are not as fortunate as they are.  ESPECIALLY when it’s not done for “likes” or attention, just because they know it’s the right thing to do. 

And for me, that’s it - a person’s character is the impact they have on others. 

Character reveals more about who a person truly is than the number of goals scored in a game or their results on a standardized test. And unlike the score, it is completely within an individual’s control.

To share a personal experience, I was recently reminded of the huge impact that one person’s character can have.  My dad lived near us until he passed away in 2016.  He always took a huge interest in his grandchildren's sports teams, so he was known around the local hockey rink.  Just recently, I ran into a former client-parent at the drycleaners.  During our conversation, she shared that she still thinks about my dad whenever she’s at the local rink or golf course.  She recalled how he always encouraged and cheered the kids on, made the adults laugh, and his unwavering optimism.  The owner of the drycleaners chimed in “He always made me smile and was larger than life.”

To be honest, I got a little emotional - not because they mentioned my dad - but because it hit me, hit me hard, that even after all these years, people still remember him and the impact he had on them. 

My dad was always his authentic self - fun, supportive, friendly, and he had the unique ability to make people feel seen and heard. 

To me, that’s his impact on others - a perfect definition of character! And it’s his legacy.

Here’s what I tell kids all the time:

Regardless of what is on social media, your words and actions matter, on and off the field, in and out of the classroom. 

Long after you walk away - people may forget what you accomplished, but they will remember how you made them feel.

That’s your reputation.

That’s your legacy.

That’s your character. 

And that is why character matters.